2016 Mayhem

Hello Interwebs.  So I have literally not posted in a year.  Why Paula, why would you do that when you were doing so good and you were on a roll?  Here, in my best impression of Albrecht Dürer is my response to 2016:

The breakdown:

December 2015:  My nonsuperhero daytime persona job rolled out a new system, of which I am a department of one in my office that I support.  Now, when I say new system, I mean like NO ONE knew how to use it, how to pull data out of it, how to put data in it, how to analyze or report on said data which no one could input or extract.  I take 1 extra day off for Christmas and promptly lose my mind and work 60+ hour weeks.  This continues for about 2 months.  My son gets his acceptance letter from his college and we rejoice.  A path has been set.

January 2016:  Allan Rickman and David Bowie die.  A harbinger of sorrows to come.

March 2016:  People can now use the system and I realize, I have an only child graduating high school in two months.  I begin the hot pursuit of graduation pictures, grad party venues, nailing down the guest list for said graduation and laying ground rules for attending graduation. Meanwhile we are doing college visits, accepting scholarship packages, and trying to get through the emotional roller coaster that is the highs of accomplishments and lows of leaving the familiar.  I only have one shot at doing this right, it's not like I have a spare.  In May the biggest snafu would be the squabble with my sister about the color of the cups holding the plasticware at the party.  Her husband intercedes and  I win.  Bully!

April 2016:  Prince dies.  I cry over making pancakes the next morning.  I assure myself this has nothing to do with my son finishing his high school career and starting his first job next month.  I really do love me some Prince.  Purple Rain Foreva!

June 2016:  Graduation is over.  My A/C goes out the day after everyone leaves and I have to replace the entire system.  Lovely.  We are culling the summer sales for college gear and preparing for our trip to Sea Base next month in the Bahamas. I need to drop more weight and feign interest in actual exercise.  It's too damn hot.  Anton Yelchin dies.  I dread seeing the new Star Trek and I'm just really getting pissed.

July 2016:  Sea Base with scouts in the Bahamas.  The islands are lovely, the captain is a character and epitomizes what I always envisioned as an old salt dog.  I would not have been the least surprised if we woke up one morning to find ourselves transported from his racing boat to a Man-O-War and he was brandishing a cutlass in one hand and sporting a crusty hook on the other.  I sleep restlessly on deck, spy nurse sharks, master my Go Pro, fall in love with cracked conch and the easy smiles of the natives and am cranky for a week after we get home because I don't wake up to being surrounded by the sea.  When I die someday my son is reminded once again to dump my ashes in the transatlantic current or I will find a way to haunt his ass.

August 2016: I drop my only son and child off at college.  I manage to hold my shiz together until I get in the car to drive away and am comforted by a group of students sitting on a front porch waving at me as they watch me drive watery eyed away.  I can't cry because I'm driving and if I cry I can't see and if I can't see then I can't drive.  Sometimes the requirements of my life keep it basic and manageable.  Gene Wilder dies.  RIP my dear Willy Wonka.

September 2016:  I settle into a steady rhythm of nothing.  Just nothing.  No knitting, no socializing, no sleeping, no waking, just a big vast stretch of nothing.  I call it "adjusting".

October 2016:  Son comes home for a mid-term break and he is so busy visiting friends we actually only spend 1 night hanging out  and 1 day together.  I'll take it.  He got his own ride home and own ride back.  I am reminded life is an ebb and flow and I need to get my flow on.  Breathing again.  Prep for Thanksgiving I am hosting next month.

November 2016:  I host Thanksgiving and make it a low carb event for the health issues in the family. There are no rolls.  It is chaos.  We do the Turkey Trot, survive a white elephant gift exchange with no arrests, and it is pronounced with grudging acknowledgement that it is the healthiest Thanksgiving we've ever had.  I am just happy to see my family and have some time off with my son.  He goes back to school and I know I will see him again in 3 weeks.  Leonard Cohen dies and we elect, well, it's just sub optimal.  The election seriously messes with some good karma happening in my life.  Eff you 2016.

December 2016:  We have a mini rollout at work and the first two weeks find me doing a solid week of training in two states.  I also attend two craft fairs in between, which I have been knitting for on all the sleepless nights since Thanksgiving and before and sell out almost all of my inventory of hats and mitts.  I even sell a springerle ornament and a snowman bracelet.  I manage to get my packages and cards mailed to my immediate family on time and get at least 3 kinds of cookies baked before my son comes home for the month break.  We discover he has gained the freshmen whatever and scramble to exchange early Christmas presents so he has some dress clothes to wear to meet up with family and friends over the holidays.  Carrie Fisher dies and shortly after her mother Debbie Reynolds.  SERIOUSLY 2016 JUST EFF THE EFF OFF.  I realize I haven't blogged ONCE the whole year.

So here we are.  2017. Let us begin.